For some reason, my mom's blog reader service only updates her of new posts via email like once every two weeks (note to self: check her settings next time I visit). So, depending on when I write an article for this devotional blog, it can be up to a month before she reads it.
And naturally, like any good mom, she then sends me a long, loving email worrying about everything I said.
And then I have to go back and read what I wrote, because I don't even remember that far back.
We're in a pattern here, and it's starting to get comical.
The disconnect between the emotion I had in the moment (oh Mom, that was SO two weeks ago!) and my inability to even recall what the article was about just a short time later is funny, but it's also a good reminder of how BIG even small things seem when they're up close and scary. Of how quickly the overwhelmed feelings and strong emotions smash against the dam until it breaks, and then all the water flows out and the river is calm and smooth once again.
I'm sure it's annoying to my poor mom to realize her concern, advice, and just plain "me too's", while not exactly irrelevant at this late stage, just don't carry the same weight they might have if I'd read them in the same day or even the same week as my blog posts. And that's kind of a good thing, you know? Because sometimes it's a waste to respond to things in the moment when they just need a chance to gush out. And when calm perspective is restored once again, you check to make sure what you know is still true, the moorings are still safe, the rope is still secure.
The world is in chaos and our country in an uproar, aghast at what we have become, but God is still on the throne and His divine plan is unchanging. I Tim 6:15
My health is not good even after six full months of rest, and I'm still being lied to by anxiety and depression, but the truth of the Word stands eternal and steadfast. Psalm 119:89
I'm still worried about my precious, quirky kids and so anxious for their futures, but their Creator has not nor ever will lose sight of His beloved ones. John 10:28
As I struggle for identity outside my business efforts, I'm still feeling less-than and not-enough, but My Lord is sufficient for every need I have, from cradle to grave. II Cor 12:9
The water gushes over the top, around the sides and sometimes through cracks in my dam, but when it settles, I know my Redeemer lives, and on the earth again someday shall stand. Job 19:25
I do need friends and family to stand on the banks as the water crests and shout truth to me in that moment. But I also need friends and family to come up alongside me in the quietness afterward and remind me of Whose hands I was in the whole time I raged and stormed.
Reading my mother's thoughts sometimes, weeks after my emotional river has crested and fallen once again, I'm struck by how spot-on her advice is, how with nearly surgical precision she hones in straight to the heart of the matter. She's good, my mom. I can only hope to be half as tall as she stands in the Word, physically shorter than I am, but a spiritual giantess. Many more than just her daughter call her mentor and co-laborer. She almost never closes an email without a mention of how glad she is that we are sisters in the Lord as well as mother and daughter. It is a sweet reminder that our most precious treasure is not some family heirloom, not a recipe or a photo or even a passed-down story, but our shared inheritance as joint-heirs with Christ.
She doesn't have all the answers--no human does--but as I read my mom's words on my screen tonight I can almost hear her saying it: "It certainly will be AMAZING to see how God works this all together for good, won't it?" And it brings tears to my eyes because no matter how calm I am at this point, there will never be a moment when I don't need reminding that my Father is, indeed weaving all this together for my good and His glory.
So Mom, when you get around to reading this one, in a month or so, I love you with all my heart. Thanks for the post-storm perspective. And I'll fix your email settings next time I visit, I promise.