I am not the first person to fall to her knees in a waiting room.
Sick with dread, awash in anxiety, unable to concentrate.
Incapable even of forming prayer beyond the opening phrase, "O, God..."
O, God! Hear my voice through the rising hysteria and the dreadful fear as Your child gropes for and clings to You as she has been lovingly taught to do. The Love that will not let me go clings back in an embrace that will never end as I sob like the heartbroken little girl that I am.
O, God, our Help in ages past,
Our Hope for years to come;
Our Shelter from the stormy blast,
and our eternal Home.
Oh, child. God has already seen your future. He has already caught your tears, already pulled you into His arms and let you exhaust your sobs on His shoulder.
Knowing there is not a disaster, a diagnosis or verdict headed your way that will ever surprise Him does not mean we will never feel fear. But if you believe He is Who he says He is, then you must believe that He is omniscient. All-knowing.
Knowing your tears will be dried by the Comforter Himself does not mean they will not fall when we set out on our journey through the valley of grief. But if you believe He is Who He says He is, then you must believe that He is omnipresent. Always-there.
Knowing that the One Who claims the power to work all things together for good does not mean we will not have to experience doubt that anything can ever, ever possibly make this right. But if you believe He is Who He says He is, then you must believe that He is omnipotent. All-powerful.
That is the One on Whom my salvation rests.
It's clear that I trust Him for that eternal security, but not for the problems of my daily life. Not for that pain from my past. Not for my financial needs. Not for my family's health. Not for... the list goes on. I believe He is strong enough to save, but not strong enough for this particular situation, or that painful subject.
On the floor of that waiting room... in the foyer outside that courtroom... at the side of that fresh grave... all this distrust and with-holding melts away. Instinctively, like a child, we reach for the embrace of the Eternal One.
And we always, always find Him there.
O God! How many times You have showed us Your mercy. How many times You have proven that underneath are the Everlasting Arms, and still Your anxious child asks for more reassurance. Never turned away, never impatiently reproved. Never, not once sent away empty and hopeless, no matter how many times the lesson must be learned. Teach us to trust that You are everything You claimed to be plus more that we cannot even comprehend. For Your glory alone, grant us victorious lives of faith, led close to the foot of the cross.
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