Pain is a great clarifier. It has a way of making things very, very simple. Your whole existence becomes a search for ways to end it. Pain brings us to the point of decision. It is the reason we finally go to the doctor, see the surgeon, take the pills.
It eventually gets us to the place where the pain of keeping it locked inside exceeds the pain it will cause if the lock is broken and the truth spills out. Pain is a catalyst that brings about a change in our perspective so that we are finally willing to do something about the cause.
Whether pain manifests itself physically or emotionally, the natural human response is to attempt to end or lessen it to a tolerable level.
A dear friend of mine has reached, as I did last year, the point where life became only a search to end the pain. On the surface it is ridiculous. How can it be that something from so long ago now fells a grown woman? How can it be that this wound brings her to her knees even now, so many years past? How can this emotional pain have translated into physical illness that now obscures the way ahead?
My friend is just embarking on a path along places familiar to many of us. Dealing with sad memories from childhood, and now as an adult, uncovering raw places in her heart and soul that never healed. Uncovering anger towards the adults in her life that failed to protect her, failed to take action to keep her safe, failed to love her more than they loved their own comfort.
Betrayal, thirty years old, and yet the tears are just as hot and fresh as if the pain were brand new. There is a poignant perspective as the now-mother looks back towards the child she was and wishes she could just hold her. A tangible ache in the arms, a longing to wrap that child close and infuse love and assurance into her very skin.
And yet she knows that holding herself will never be enough.
Only God is enough.
As I see it, being in the place of pain brings two reactions out in people. Either they turn away from God, or they turn to Him. Either they trust that He is God Who works all things together for them that love Him, or they don't. Every day I wake up still in pain, still in my distress, I also wake up with a choice. Do I trust Him?
It's a yes or no question. Pain has brought us to the place where there are only two choices. Trust, or distrust.
But while it's a black and white question and answer, it does have to be answered every day. Every. Day. No exceptions. Maybe multiple times per day.
When I open my eyes and groan and think, "oh no, this is not good..." the very next thought in my mind is crucial.
Will it be, "Not AGAIN, God!
Or "I need You again, God!"
As a tender Father, He stands ready with grace for today. Ask and ye shall receive.
But you shall receive it in the portions of His choosing.
Grace only for today.... you must trust that when you ask tomorrow, you shall receive again.
A wise friend recently shared with me the story of manna. You remember manna, the mysterious, precious food that fell from heaven and was there every morning for the hungry Israelites to harvest? Every week day they woke up to just enough food for the day. I was raised on this story in Sunday school. I know it backwards and forwards (but don't ask me for the references; references are my Kryptonite). But today I hear it with new ears.
If the Children of Israel collected more than their share, thinking to save themselves the trouble of collecting it tomorrow, when they went to eat it the next day it was spoiled.The grace was only enough for that morning and evening. God wanted them to collect it every day, fresh from His hand, so they would understand that everything they had was a gift from Yahweh. So that they would have to trust that the manna would appear again to meet their needs for the day, every day.
Once in a while, every sixth day, they were given more than one day's worth of manna. Specifically, for a purpose, they were given two days' worth at once, so that they could rest on the Sabbath as God wisely intended for mankind. But when they greedily accumulated for their own future plans or their own gain, everything went rotten.
I wonder how many times I would have collected extra manna, to see if it would keep THIS time, before I finally got the message.
I have a feeling a rancid whiff of putrefying manna would have wafted around my tent more than once or twice.
I can see that I have been trying to steal tomorrow's grace from the hand of Almighty God. I have built my plans like a Tower of Babel and wrested control of my life away from Him. I have reached into the future and grabbed all the anxiety and worry I can find and dragged it backwards through time with me, to create a burden for today that so big no one person could ever bear it without breaking.
Pain has clarified this for me. It has stopped me in my tracks, pulled me up short, demanded my attention, and laid before me two choices.
Today I made the right choice. Tomorrow the question will be asked again.
And if I have learned the lesson, I will put my hand into a bowl overflowing with fresh manna, instead of rotten, and pull out grace for the day.
And then it's suddenly very clear.
Astoundingly, the pain has been grace, too.
Father God, Great Physician, we ask You to grant us spiritual discernment in our earthly suffering. Cause us to understand the simple choice before us, that God-given trials have made clear, and empower us to choose the right. Today, enabled by grace alone, we choose to give You our grief and our illnesses and trust You to spin that straw into gold, pain into peace. Give us manna for today so that out of faith grows a heart that simply, sweetly trusts there will be fresh grace again tomorrow.

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